Me plus Loads of Randomness equals Madness
by Nymphadora Andromeda Lupin
Summary: This is what happens when you mix me with Loads of Randomness... chaos basically
1. Chapter 1

Welcome to the Madness that Occurs When You Mix LoadsOfRandomness with Nymphadora Andromeda Lupin

AN: We were swapping characters all over the place, so I can't for the life of me tell you who was who at any given time… hope you enjoy!

Part 1

James: Have you seen Evans lately?

Lily: Stay the hell away from me Potter, you creep!

James: That's not very nice now is it Evans!

Lily: Don't make me hex you!

James: Honestly Evans, what's got into you lately? All I did was hex your little boyfriend!

Lily: This is why you're going to enjoy the company of Madame Pomfrey for a while

James: -starts to back away- Evans... c'mon! You said yourself he was a prat... Evans... Evans... SHITE! -He'd tripped over-

Lily: -slowly advances- It doesn't matter! It was none of your business!

James: -he scrambles backward- Evans, Evans is this really necessary?

Lily: But of course, Potter. However will you learn if you are not punished for your misdeeds?

James: But what if I'm very, very sorry and promise not to do it again?

Lily: -sarcasm- Suuure. You'll find a new way of bugging me instead.

Sirius: Hey, James? Have you finished that thing you were going to surprise Lily with?

James: -smirks- I would too Evans, how WELL you know me. -Hisses at his friend- Padfoot! Shut up!

Lily: -glares- Just leave me alone Potter

Sirius: You heard the woman mate, leave her aloooooone

James: But I don't WANT to leave you alone Evans! Where's the fun for me in that? Oi mate! Since when did you get on with Evans?

Lily: -storms off-

Sirius: When she's holding that wand of hers in the direction of my balls, Prongs.

James: -sends Sirius a "What did I say?" look- Oh... Poor Padfoot -can't hold back a smirk-

Sirius: git

James: -smirks widens- You know it mate!

-A few days later Lily had SOMEHOW gotten a gun and was showing the Muggle Studies class how to load and fire it-

James: -bumps her elbow and whistles innocently-

Lily: -gun moves to face James-

James: HOLY SHITE Evans! Don't kill me!

Lily: As tempting as that is... I don't want to go to Azkaban -shoots gun. The bullet lands inches above James' head-

James: -had dropped to the ground with a shriek-

Lily: How manly

Remus: -walks over- why is James whimpering on the ground?

Sirius: Evans tried to shoot him mate.

James: -is still whimpering on the floor-

Remus: -blinks- okaaaaaaay

Lily: -prods James with toe-

Sirius: -nods- Yep...

James: -yells and curls in on himself "No! Don't kill me!"-

Remus: -to Sirius- Should we bring him to Pomfrey? -to Lily- come on Lily, I don't think you're helping much

Lily: fiiiine

Sirius: Nahhh... this is FUNNY!

James: -starts to rock back and forth-

Sirius: Okay... maybe we should...

Remus: -grabs James' legs-

Sirius: -grabs James' arms and helps Remus carry him-

Remus: How does he get himself into these messes?

Sirius: -shrugs and accidentally bangs James' head on a doorway- Oops

Remus: maybe that will knock some sense into him...

Sirius: I doubt it, but stranger things have happened

Peter: -runs up- what happened?

Sirius: Evans shot at Prongs, he then curled into a foetal position and started rocking back and forth so Moony and I picked him up and I may or may not have knocked him out on the doorway... that's about it really Wormy

Peter: How did Evans get a gun?

Sirius: -shrugs- Dunno... Moony?

Remus: she is a Muggleborn...

Peter: Huh?

Remus: It's a Muggle weapon but a gun is still near impossible to come by

Sirius: -sets James down gently and turns on Lily. "Evans!" he barks.

Lily: -glares- WHAT?

James: -is passed out-

Sirius: Where the HELL did you get this gun-thingy?

Lily: I'm not telling YOU that. Think of what could happen if Sirius Black knew where to get guns?

Remus: -snorts quietly- He causes enough mayhem on his OWN...

Lily: Exactly. Now, idiots and Remus, leave me alone -stomps off to join friends-

James: -stirs and mumbles "I love you Evans"-

Lily: -suddenly appears- POTTER! -slaps him-

James: -slurs "what was that for?" and passes out again-

Lily: I hate you -stomps off again-

James: -is passed out again-

Sirius: -glances at Remus as if to say "What just happened?"-

Remus: I have no idea. Although it looks like James can annoy Evans when he is knocked out.

Sirius: -looks down at their once-again unconscious friend and sighs- That takes some skill...

Remus: At least he can't brag about it. Let's hand him over to Pomfrey now, shall we?

Sirius: True... then we can get onto more important things! Like... pranking Snivelly!

Remus: Homework you mean

Sirius: -gasps and clutches at his throat- H-h-homework? Moony! Thought we'd agreed you wouldn't mention that word in my presence?

Remus: -raises eyebrow- Homework? No, I think we agreed that I would only mention it if you absolutely had to do it. McGonagall wanted a 2 scroll essay tomorrow, remember?

Sirius: Tomorrow? No... can't be! It's due NEXT Thursday... I distinctly remember!

Remus: -pats on head- of COURSE it is...

Sirius: -scowls and swipes at his hand-

Remus:-confused look-

Sirius: Don't DO that!

Remus: -pats on head- 'kay

Sirius: -glares-

Remus: -smiles like Dumbledore-

Sirius: -pulls a face at his friend-

Remus: If you're going to be like that... -drops James-

Sirius: Be like what? -innocent smirk-

Remus: Annoying -walks away-

Sirius: Moony! Don't be like that! -lays James down and trots after their friend-

Remus: -smirks and disappears-

Sirius: -curses and shrugs, going back to sit next to James-

James: Waz the time? –slurred-

Sirius: -jumps not having realised that James was awake- Uh... late?

James: ish Evans here?

Sirius: Evans? Nah mate... she left a while back now... you kinda said... something and she slapped you and ran off

James: How many times does that slap make it then?

Sirius: Which time Prongs? This week... today?

James: This year

Sirius: Well... -thinks- A LOT

James: where're Moony and Wormy?

Sirius: They left

James: Wha'... why?

Sirius: 'Cause I annoyed Moony and I can't remember why Wormtail left...

James: -shrugs- I uh... I didn't say anything to Evans while I was half-passed out did I?

Sirius: You might've said something along the lines of 'I love you Evans'

James: -mortified- Oh... please tell me I didn't?

Sirius: -nods sympathetically-

James: Oh Merlin... -buries his face in his hands-

Sirius: She'll get over it... she's already slapped you

James: -sighs- True...

Sirius: Sooo. What now?

James: Food?

Sirius: good plan -jogs off to Great Hall

James: -follows at a slower pace-

-Later that day-

Remus: You're actually alive James?

James: Amazing isn't it Moons?

Remus: Yeah, especially since Lily has that look on her face that she's planning your doom. Again.

James: -pales- Hide me Moons!

Remus: I am not getting in Lily's way this time. My pinky finger still has a nervous tick from second year

James: -moans- She's going to kill me... I'm too handsome to die!

Remus: -Blank stare-

James: M-maybe Pads'll hide me... yeah...

Remus: Um...

James: What? WHAT!

Remus: Lily ... sort of... took care of him

James: -eyes widen- Oh. Oh... dear...

Remus: Yes. Indeed. Now I was going to ask you for the map and hopefully we can hide somewhere

James: Yeah... s... wait... why're YOU hiding?

Remus: She's already picked off Sirius, was last see stalking Peter, her main target is you. I don't want to be next simply for associating myself with you.

James: Oooh fair enough. -pulls out the Map- SHITE! She's coming this way! -whips out Cloak and throws it over them-

Lily: -mutters- I'm sure I heard them here...

James: -feels behind them for the opening to the secret passageway and finally manages to grab the disguised door knob-

Remus: -falls through with James-

James: -swings the door shut with barely a squeak, thanking Merlin that this was one of the passages they used regularly so they made sure the hinges were oiled-

Lily: What was that?

James: -both boys hardly dare to breathe, this was one of the easier found passageways... all you had to do was get the right stone in the wall...-

Lily: -leans against wall and passage opens- WAA- what? POTTTER! LUPIN!

James: -he'd taken the Cloak off and shoved it in his pocket... a stupid move- RUN MOONY! -takes off down the hallway-

Lily: -advances-

Remus: oh shite! -runs-

James: RUN mate... RUN! -skids out of the passageway and into the hall, attempting to mix in with the flow of students heading up from dinner-

Remus: -follows James- Let's hope one of Lily's friends will stop her...

James: -sends a slightly deranged look his way- Do you REALLY think that?

Remus: I'm trying to be optimistic for once

James: Mate... we're doomed... if only we had the Map!

Remus: Did you not already have it?

James: No! Padfoot's got it! He wanted it for... actually, I don't know what he wanted it for... -spots a flash of red-hair and legs it-

Remus: Idiot -runs as wells-

Lily: WHERE ARE THEY

James: -pants to Moony while casting around for a place to hide- She's going to legitimately kill us mate... I think we're doomed...

Remus: Not yet we aren't -stands near teachers-

Lily: WELL?

Random second year: O-o-over t-there

James: -shrieks like a little girl- She's COMING!

Remus: What happened to your invisibility cloak?

James: -slaps himself on the forehead and rips it out of his pocket, throwing it hastily over them both-

Remus: -hisses- good

Lily: -still searching-

James: -hisses to Remus- We have to move... now!

Remus: agreed, now if we move over here and chuck a stone or something over there we should be safe...

James: -raises an eyebrow incredulously- Chuck a stone or something? Mate... if I'd wanted useless advice I would have brought Pete...


	2. Chapter 2

Part 2

Remus: No you dolt, -waves in direction he was pointing- Snape's there, if he gets knocked down she'll immediately go over to him

James: Oh... good plan... but! Noooo... my Lily-flower can't help the slimeball!

Remus: If it gets us out of here with our limbs still in the correct places I'll do anything and we can prank him later so... move -shoves-

James: -sighs heavily- I guess... can I throw it?

Remus: -sighs- yes

James: -grins evilly and lobs the rock as hard as he can at Snape-

Snape: !*%$£! -looks round-

Remus: -stifles laughter-

James: -stuffs his fist into his mouth to stop from laughing loudly-

Lily: Sev? Are you okay!

James: -flicks his eyes at Remus, silently motioning for them to get out-

Snape: -irritably pushes her away- Back off Evans, I'm fine!

Remus: -nods and backs off-

Lily: -huffs- Whatever. -turns away with bright eyes-

James: -about to leave when he sees Snape shove her-

Snape: Evans... I don't need help from you!

Lily: -slaps him hard across the face-

Remus: -silently mouths- Go Evans!

James: -was about to throw the Cloak off and go defend his Lily but notices she's doing quite well on her own and cheers her on silently-

Snape: -head snaps to the side and he hisses "How DARE you touch me you filthy little (m-word)"

Lily: See if I care anymore Snivellus! -stomps off-

James: GO LILY! -eyes widen- Oh shite...

Lily: -Looks around- What was that? Potter?

James: Moony! Run for it! -thinking "oh shite, oh shite, oh shite"-

Lil: -looks around and then shrugs- awe well -goes to Gryffindor Tower

James: breathes a sigh of relief and then creeps up to kick Snape HARD in the side muttering "That's for calling my Lily flower that word!"

Snape: ^&*$%#

Remus: -whispers- Good one Prongs!

James: I'm not letting him get away with that.. that... word! It's unforgivable!

Remus: Prank him?

James: Good idea! What should we do to him?

Remus: -grins- Well there is a fantastic pile of mud outside Hagrid's cabin...

James: Mate... and people think they should watch out for Sirius... it's always the quiet ones... -shakes his head in wonderment-

Remus: But of course. What do you think I'm doing when I'm silent?

James: Obviously thinking up deviously evil plans... OH! How about we lock Snape in a Niffler cage... with Galleons stuffed into his pockets!

Remus: genius!

James: -bows- Of course it is... now... how do we get him out of here?

Remus: ummm -looks thoughtful- We'll come up with something... OH! Does he take Herbology?

James: Hmmm... I think he does now that you mention it... Slytherins have it with the Ravenclaws however

Remus: We have free time then...

James: You have a point mate...

Remus: And Care of Magical Creatures is on then for the fourth years so Nifflers will be being used, that's what I uhhh overheard. We couldn't possibly be blamed for their escape from demon clutches -smirks-

James: -grins widely- Oh no... not at all... and you never know when some enterprising fourth year will stuff you into a cage full of them with gold coins in your pockets... those fourth years are sneaking blighters...

Remus: Well, we were... shouldn't we get Sirius at least?

James: Probably...

Remus: He'll be mad if we leave him out of this one...

James: -hums in agreement- You got get him? I'll start setting it up?

Remus: -nods warily- the map's upstairs, right?

James: -grins a tad crazily- Sirius had it last I know

Remus: -groans- how the hell am I supposed to find him then?

James -shrugs slightly- Walk around until you hear the screaming?

Remus: Guess so, now what supplies will we need?

James: -thinks- Hmm... Firewhiskey... lots of it... chocolate and frozen peas

Remus: -blinks- we are just going to trap him in a cage with Nifflers, right? surely all we need is a well-aimed Stupefy, some shiny objects and the Nifflers? Oh and a cage and your invisibility cloak...

James: We must have frozen peas! To throw at him! They really hurt... and will leave strange bruises for him to explain away -evil laughter-

Remus: -shakes head- just make sure he can't see you

James: -smirks confidentially- I won't get caught!

Remus: idiot. Now we'll need a distraction for Hagrid...

James: -looks hurt- I'm not an idiot! Oh... that one's easy... wait... why're we distracting Hagrid? Shouldn't we be distracting Professor Kettleburn? In which case we just tell him that a flock of Phoenix's are feeding in a clearing part-way in the forest... you know how nuts he is for those birds and chances are he'll get lost too.

Remus: I was thinking of positioning the cage near Hagrid's hut dimwit. But that's an idea for Kettleburn...

James: Oh... right... uh... we could always tell him... tell him... that we found a baby dragon?

Remus: too cruel, say Filch is complaining 'bout that puppy of his, again...

James: Hagrid has a... oh... right... Hmmm... that might work

Remus: -nods- so... I'll get Sirius -wanders off-

James: Okay! I'll go do... something

Remus: like help me?

James: Sure... that works!

Remus: hmm mmmm. Where shall we try first?

James: Hmmm... Kitchens?

Remus: Yeah... then the greenhouses?

James: Yep... although WHY he spends so much time there is beyond me...

Remus: I really do want to know... maybe we shouldn't check there. He was fondling the Venomous Tentacula last time...

James: -shudders- Oh dear Merlin... who KNOWS what he's cooking up!

Remus: I DON'T want to think about it!

James: Nor I! How about if he's not in the kitchen we DON'T check the greenhouse regardless of whether he may be there? Cause walking in there might be dangerous.

Remus: But we need him for this

James: YOU can check the Greenhouses then... I'm NOT going in there!

Remus: -drags Prongs with him-

James: -protests... loudly-

Remus: I can't go in there alone, do you WANT me to be killed? Or traumatised?

James: -stares at him- Mate? Frankly... yes.

Remus: -huffs- I'll just tell him that you are the one who has coffee then...

James: -gulps- You wouldn't do that! Would you?

Remus: I would. Now come on!

James: Alright, alright I'm coming... keep your hair on

James: -grumbles-

Remus: -whispers- you open the door!

James: I'm not opening that door! And -glances around- Don't we need to check the kitchens first? -is whining-

Remus: He's most likely to be in there! And it's closer so -makes motioning sign with his hands-

James: -shakes head- No, no definitely not! YOU do it!

Remus: -fakes looking hurt- do you want me to die?

James: Better you than me mate

Remus: Being completely honest you and Sirius are the ones who will die first. Especially with all your reckless ways...

James: Moony! How could you even SUGGEST such a thing!

Remus: Because there is no way on heaven and earth that I am going in there first!

James: Well I'm DEFINITELY not going in there first! He's probably doing something horrible!

Sirius: -pops head out round the door- Hey guys

James: -shrieks like a girl- PADFOOT!

Sirius: -looks warily at Remus- What the hell?

Remus: We've been debating who was to go in and get you... neither of us was very keen

Sirius: And why was that? I was just getting some of that Botbobur pus stuff

Remus: It's what you're planning on DOING with it that has us concerned mate

Sirius: You'll find out later, what did you want me for?

James: -coming out of his stupor- Snivellus pranking of course!

Sirius: brilliant! -rubs hands together- What did you lot have planned?

James: -smirks evilly- Oh... this and that

Sirius: -smirks evilly- perfect

James: -smirk broadens into a grin- Yup!

Remus: Oh no...

James: Oh lighten up mate... you were all for it earlier!

Remus: I still am! It's just that look on Sirius' face...

James: -smirks- It makes it all the more exciting mate!

Remus: good point. but Sirius is not allowed to handle sharp pointy things, kay?

James: Dear MERLIN no! Padfoot must NEVER be let near sharp, pointy things!

Sirius: -looks offended- A guy does something 'wrong' once and suddenly your forbidden to do it ever again

James: ONCE mate? You chased me and THEN Peter around the room with a cutlass, though WHERE you got it from remains a mystery, yelling that we were "scurvy sea dogs" and "must walk the plank"... and that was only the FIRST time we stupidly let you have a sharp pointy object... WHY we let you near them after that I don't know...

Remus: We were idiots, that's why

Sirius: I don't remember any of that...

James: Very big idiots! Oh! I just admitted I was an idiot, Evans WILL be pleased. -sighs- Mate... I think you were high on something at the time... have you been smoking Gillyweed again?

Remus: Yes she will, now Sirius I thought we told you that Gillyweed was dangerous?

James: -nods seriously- It'll give you lung, something or other mate!

Remus: cancer, James, lung cancer. Sirius?

James: Yeah... that!

Sirius: -looks shifty-

Remus: -facepalm- What. The. Hell. Did. You. Do? Please say you didn't bring your three year old cousin Nymphadora to school again. I though you said you still have the scars from Andromeda's anger?

Sirius: -lights up- Little Nypmhie? Not this time mate... although... she's taken a real shine to you, you know... it's cute! "Siri... when Moony come over 'gain?" bloody adorable! -rolls his eyes-

Remus: -sighs heavily- personally if I was a three year old who got teased rotten by you and James I would like the first person, bar my parents, who was nice to me.

James: Oi! I resent that! I don't tease the kid.

Sirius: -smirks- I think it's deeper than that mate... I think she loooooves you!

Remus: She's three.

Remus: And James, if teasing her isn't holding her teddy just too high for her what is?

Sirius -continues smirking- She won't be three forever mate!

James: Awe c'mon mate! The kid BIT me!

Remus: She's thirteen years younger than me. That's why I like her James

Sirius: You LIKE her BECAUSE she's thirteen years younger than you... -warningly- Mate...

Remus: Noooo, I like her because she bit James, dolt. And Sirius I like her because she's an adorable toddler and she's one of the few members of your family that loves you.

Sirius: Mate... Andy and Ted and Dora... all the family I need when I have you lot...

James: It HURT! The kid has sharp teeth!

Remus: Just explaining that I only like her because she your relation and can scare James.

Sirius: I know mate...

James: -shudders-

Remus: Good, now stop trying to set me up with a three year old or I'll set her on you lot

James: But mate... you're so CUTE together! -James really had no sense of self-preservation-

Remus: -rolls eyes- You also looked /adorable/ when she was hanging off your hand by her teeth. Padfoot curled around a sleeping Nymphadora is definitely more adorable

James: -collapses laughing over his knees- You call her Nymphadora... that's so damn CUTE!

Remus: It's her name

Sirius: Mate... she doesn't let ANYONE call her that 'cept you...

Remus: And her mother.

Sirius: she only tolerates Andy calling her that 'cause she has to... she LETS you

Remus: ... shut up.

James: -grins- Why mate? You EMBARRASSED?

Remus: I'm flattered. Nothing more, prat. Look Evans!

-points out window-

James: -head turns so quickly it's a wonder he doesn't get whiplash- Where!

Remus: -sighs- Out the window James, you may want to check on her. -winks at Sirius-

James: -stares out the window, searching frantically for his Lily-flower-

Sirius: -whispers to Moony- Nice one mate... now... while he's distracted...

Remus: -backs away warily- whaaaaaaaat? James you may want to open the window...

Sirius: -mock hurt expression- I was GOING to say we run for it... but if you're going to be like that...


	3. Chapter 3

Part 3

James: -stares out the window, nose pressed to the glass-

Remus: You were acting suspicious. What do you expect me to do? Is James okay?

Sirius: -smirks- Well...

James: -still staring out the window-

Sirius: You said "Evans" mate... it's like his brain shuts down at the word... look... he's even drooling now

Remus: Shall we leave him be then? And do the PRANK by ourselves?

James: -spins around at the word "Prank"- Prank? What pranks! TELL ME!

Remus: -facepalm- Don't you remember? Severus, cage by Hagrid's hut, Nifflers, during fourth year Care of Magical Creatures class?

James: OH! That prank... ONWARD Jeeves!

Remus: -raises eyebrow- Jeeves?

James: -shrugs- Why not?

Remus: -facepalm- Let's just go

James: -smirks at him- Yes dear

Remus: -smacks mate around the head-

James: Ow! What was that for?

Remus: What do you think? Now, let's do this!

James: -rubbing his sore head- You're all so mean to me -pouting but brightens at the thought of the prank- YES!

Remus: I am surrounded by idiots

James: We love you too Moons!

Remus: -facepalm-

James: -grins like an idiot-

Remus: So, what shall we do first?

James: Well... we'll need to know where Snivellus is...

Remus: I thought we were doing it during our free period?

James: Right... doesn't mean we can't get started now though.

Remus: True, now how many Nifflers will we need then?

James: How much damage do we want to cause? -smirks evilly-

Remus: Not life-threatening and I really don't need to smell blood this close to the full moon, okay? -looks pointedly at Sirius-

James: -looks confused at the glance at Sirius- What're you talking about?

Sirius: -has the decency to look slightly guilty-

Remus: Why don't you tell James, Padfoot

Sirius: -shakes his head-

James: What are you two talking about? Moony? Pads?

Remus: He has to tell you, he was the one to blame after all

Sirius: I... uh... may have... accidentally done something?

James: MATE! What in Merlin's name did you do!

Remus: -smirks at Sirius' nervousness-

Sirius: -mumbles something-

James: What?

Remus: Yes, Sirius. Speak up

Sirius: No... Moony... don't make me...

James: Moony? What's going on?

Remus: The idiot will have to tell you

Sirius: -runs away-

James: Uh... "the idiot" just ran away... Moony! What on EARTH is going on?

Remus: Sirius is a nincompoop, get him! -chases after Sirius-

Sirius: -glances over his shoulder and see's Moony chasing him, squeals like a girl and runs faster-

James: -stands there confused before shrugging and wandering off to annoy Evans-

Remus: SIRIUS! -looks behind him- WAIT! James is distracted! No! He's behind Lily!

Sirius: -stumbles-

James: -is staring at Evans' hair, fascinated-

Lily: -whips her head around- Potter? What the hell?

James: -jumps back, startled-

Lily: -looks curious- what were you doing?

James: Um... I wanted to... ask you something?

Lily: -sighs heavily- What?

James: Um... -ruffles his hair subconsciously, it was a nervous habit- I was wondering... would you... no... it's stupid...

Lily: -looks decidedly curious- Potter, normally I would say that most of the words that spew out of your mouth are stupid but... -blushes-

James: -he stares at his feet- "Um... I was wondering ?" -he flushes-

Lily: -raises eyebrow- can you repeat that a bit slower, please?

James: "Um... would you like to go to Hogsmeade with me?" –he is staring at his shoes and mumbling-

Lily: -looks thoughtful- no big performance this time, James?

James: "I... uh... wanted to apologise for those too... you see... Padfoot suggested that you'd LIKE being asked like that... -mutters "Last time I ever listen to him"- and then Moony suggested that maybe I should just be me... you know?"

Lily: -smiles- You should listen to Remus more often James

James: -stares at her shocked- "You called me... J-James..."

Lily: It's your name, isn't it? Unless I've been hearing wrong for the past six years

James: -still shocked- "You usually call me Potter... which is then followed by a stream of insults..."

Lily: Only because I have-had something to insult you about

James: "So ... is that a y-yes?" -waits with bated breath for the answer-

Lily: -takes a deep breath- It's a-a no. James. But only because I don't even know you. Can we try being friends first? -holds out hand- Hi, I'm Lily Evans

James: -smiles at her, secretly thrilled- "I'm James, James Potter" -shakes her hand-

Lily: -giggles- come on, let's introduce each other to our own friends. -pulls on his hands-

James: -grins- "Sounds like fun, Lily"

Lily: -giggles-

Sirius: Wow! What happened?

James: -grinning like a loon-

Remus: -looks smug- Seems like he took my advice

Sirius: -pokes- he's not responding Moony! We may need Madame Pomfrey!

James: -swats at Sirius' hand- Gah! Padfoot!

Sirius: -gives an innocent look- What Prongsie? I have every right to be concerned. You and Lily Evans are standing side by side without tossing insults!

James: -glares- "Oh shut up mate"

Sirius: make me!

Remus: What exactly happened?

James: "I will!" -to Sirius before telling Moony- "I followed your advice mate... and... we're starting over... so... guys, this is Lily Evans. Lily, this is Remus Lupin and that git over there is Sirius Black"

Remus: -waves-

Sirius: -sniffs the air- Your hair smells nice Evans

James: -stares flatly at Sirius- "Charming mate... REAL charming"

Lily: "Um... thanks?"

Sirius: I thought so

James: -rolls his eyes-

Sirius: Soooo Lily Billy what did Jamesie here do to you?

Lily: -she grins evilly- "Well first we talked and then that degenerated into tearing each other's clothes off... he then proceeded to give me the best shag of my life... enough information for you Black?" -her evil grin is a sweet smile now-

James: -can only gape at her-

Sirius: -faints-

Remus: -mouth was gaping open but now is snickering-

Lily: -collapses laughing over her knees- "Oh Merlin... you're FACES!"

Sirius and Remus: WTF?

Lily: -wheezing- "You're faces... priceless..."

Sirius: -pouts- I still feel dizzy

Remus: We'll make a marauder out of her yet, eh Prongs?

James: -nods, still stunned-

Remus: Like Sirius said earlier Lily, I think you broke him

Lily: Nah, he's fine... aren't you Jamsie-poo?

James: Ungh, argh... wha'?

Sirius: JAMSIE-POO! -laughs- I'm not going to let this one go Prongsie!

James: -growls and tackles his best mate-

Sirius: -fights back-

James: -gets him in a head lock-

Sirius: Why are we fighting again?

James: -shrugs, no mean feat while pinned down- "'Cause you're a git?"

Lily: -is holding her stomach, face red with silent laughter-

Sirius: -looks indignant- And you're not?

Remus: I think Lily's in pain, guys

James: Nope, I am perfect!

Lily: -is shaking-

Remus: -sarcasm- Of course you are James

Sirius: I think Lily's dying

James: -grinning- I am! Lily's... what! -turns to Lily quickly- "Lils? Lils? Are you alright?"

Lily: -can barely breathe-

Remus: -facepalm-

Sirius: -pokes Lily-

James: "Lily! Lily! Answer me!"

Lily: -manages to get breathe enough to squeal when Black pokes her-

Sirius: -pokes her head-

Lily: -slaps his hand-

Sirius: -pokes again-

Remus: -eyes Lily warily- Don't get her mad, Pads

Sirius: -giggles- That rhymed! I just wanted to see if she was alive. -pokes again and proclaims- SHE'S BACK WITH US!

Lily: GAH! BLACK! QUIT POKING ME! -goes for her wand-

James: PADS! What did you DO?

Sirius: SHITE! -runs like mad far, far, far away from Lily-

Remus: -rolls eyes- Merlin help his sanity please!

Lily: -runs after him so she can hex the shite out of him-

James: Pads has sanity?

Sirius: NOOOOOOOO -changes into Padfoot

Remus: let me rephrase that, 'Merlin help him FIND his sanity' and bugger -points at Padfoot-

Lily: -is staring in shock at the dog- "Uh... the... he just... when?"

James: Oh. Shite.

Sirius: woof -cocks head-

Remus: -mutters- no, no, nooooo

Lily: "He... dog... turned... Animagus... ILLEGAL?"

James: -has his eyes squeezed tightly shut hoping that it's all a dream-

Remus: Um, let me explain! -drags Lily towards the Forest-

Sirius: -follows-

Lily: -is dragged- "You... but they... and..." -points at the dog-

James: -is secretly delighted at seeing her speechless-

Remus: You know I'm a werewolf right? -looks anxious-

Lily: "I've known since second year Remus! It's not that difficult to figure out... and I'm your friend, I notice things" -she hugs him- "I don't see you any different"

Remus: Yes, I sort of figured you knew, but it's safe to be sure.

James: get on with it!

Remus: Well, these idiots -waves hand at James and the mutt- figured it out before you

James: and thought he was a big fuzz ball with PMS and wanted to help

Remus: this is the result -points at Sirius-

Lily: "Another big fuzz ball with PMS?"

Remus: -sniggers-

Sirius: -changes back- Heeeey! Not funny, Lily Billy

Lily: -raises an eyebrow at the nickname- "Really Black?"

James: -is howling with laughter-

Sirius: -shrugs- why not?

Remus: you're not going to report us are you?

Lily: -ignores Black and looks at Remus, shaking her head slowly- "N-no... for Merlin's sake James! Pull yourself together... hang on... Remus said ALL of you... what're you?"

James: -gulps- "Uh... I'm a -mumbles- stag"

Lily: -her eyes widen- "R-really?"

James: -grins crookedly at her- "Yep"


	4. Chapter 4

Part 4

Lily: -she shivers-

James: "Cold Lils?"

Lily: "N-no... just..." -she realises she'll never be able to explain it and pulling out her wand, summons the memory of them all laughing at Sirius she shouts "Expecto Patronum!" and the silvery doe canters out the end of her wand-

James: -his eyes widen in disbelief- "No. Way"

Lily: -she blushes and averts her eyes as the doe fades from sight-

Remus: -talks as if he has memorised this part of the textbook verbatim- If two people's Animagi forms are the same as one another (e.g. lion and lioness) this means that they will almost definitely be close or will have a good working relationship together. If your Patronus represents someone's Animagus form it means you feel protected by them or long for them.

Sirius: -raises eyebrow- reeeally Remus?

Remus: -shrugs- I like defence like you like Transfiguration. It doesn't fully explain if your Patronus is the opposite sex to the person's Animagus form...

Sirius: It means Jamie Wamie and Lily Billy ARE MEANT TO BE!

Lily: -blushes almost as red as her hair-

James: -whacks Sirius across the back of the head, also red-

Sirius: Argh! Their personalities have reversed

James: "Padfoot... shut up" -still bright red-

Lily: "Black..." -pretends to throw a ball- "Fetch"

Sirius: -can't help himself, turns into Padfoot and chases it-

Remus: -facepalm-

James: -is laughing- "That gets him every time... poor boy"

Lily: -blinks- "That ACTUALLY worked?"

Sirius: -whines-

Remus: yup, he is a dim-witted mutt after all

Lily: -giggles and calls him over- "Here boy!"

James: "Uh... are you sure that's a good idea? He's probably got fleas..."

Sirius: -runs over and rolls over-

Lily: -giggles again and crouches down to scratch his tummy-

James: "Fleas Lily, FLEAS!"

Lily: "Oh shush James, he hasn't got fleas, have you boy? No you don't!"

Sirius: -makes pleased noises-

Remus: You should show her your form James...if you're getting jealous that is.

Lily: -scratches him more, laughing softly-

James: "I'm not jealous!" -is slowly turning red-

Sirius: -huffs a doggy laugh-

James: "I'm NOT!"

Remus: Sure, Prongs. Show her

Lily: James?

James: -takes a deep breath and steps back, slipping his shoes off. Gesturing at Remus to cast a Charm that will make them unable to be seen by prying eyes and closes his own eyes and concentrates, slipping into his Animagus form with the barest ripple of magic. He stamps his hooves and swishes his tail nervously before opening his eyes as a stag. An exact copy, only larger of his hazel eyes in the stag's face-

Remus: I'm still amazed every time I see you two do that

James: -snorts as if to say "it's not that big a deal Moony"-

Remus: -rolls eyes- Look, Lily.

James: -somehow manages to roll his eyes as a stag and delicately walks over, nudging her with his nose-

Lily: -gasps-

James: -tosses his head proudly-

Lily: -strokes his nose while looking into his eyes-

Sirius: -sits up and whines pitifully-

James: -snuffles at her hand before moving his head, nuzzling her cheek, before sniffing her hair-

Remus: -absent-mindedly pats the dog-

Lily: First, keep your face out of my hair

Remus: -chuckles-

Lily: Secondly… Wow...If Sirius-

Remus: Padfoot

Lily: Sorry, if Padfoot is adorable, you, James are magnificent. So noble, so proud looking...

James: -gently rests his chin on top of her head, sighing-

Lily: This is all going to your head isn't it ~grins teasingly~

James: -steps away to transform back, shaking himself back into his natural form- "No Lily... I... thanks"

Lily: -smiles-

James: -grins at her-

Sirius: "Look Remmy! They're in looooooooove!"

Lily: -hit's Sirius' hair with a colour change charm, turning it pink-

Sirius: -runs around shrieking "My HAIR!"-

Remus: -roars with laughter-

Lily: -smirks-

Sirius: -still shrieking-

James: "STUPEFY!"

Sirius: -collapses-

James: "Thank MERLIN!"


End file.
